(London): In a special report we here at the AJ News Network can exclusively reveal the behind the scenes conspiracy that has dogged the opening of Heathrow's new Terminal 5.
When opened T5 was seen as the latest expansion in a busy airport that would facilitate easy travel for thousands of British tourists.
However, shocking evidence has now come to light to suggest an ulterior motive.
The AJNN corporation have in their possession documents signed by many of the major European heads of state promising to subsidise Heathrow's expansion as long as it met "certain criteria".
These criteria, that included the proviso that the entire admin system would run on a Sinclair Spectrum 48K, were put together over the course of a few months by the European states and had to be put into practice with no argument or the money would not be forthcoming.
The committee have now agreed to go public on their reasons.
"It seemed the best way," said spokesperson Pierre Lapierre.
"This way none of the European countries have to deal with any British tourists this Summer."
Stating such reasons as drunken behaviour, the wearing of speedos and the insistence of tomato ketchup with every meal the new T5 was seen as the only way to prevent any British person from flying abroad.
"Seriously, it was no trouble at all to raise the money," said Lapierre.
"Once we realised just a few million pounds from each nation would stop us from ever having to see one more pasty white chav in burberry swimming shorts in our lovely countries again it all came together nicely.
"In fact we still have some left over, the committee are in talks as we speak with the Eurostar consortium about a new terminal at St Pancras..."
2008-04-06 @ 13:16