(Birmingham): Advertising executives at the prestigious McSmith McJones McSingh Advertising Company were today hanging another certificate on the wall as the company brought home the biggest award at the industries top ceremony, the Jammies.

This is the fifth year in succession the company has won the "Durrrr" award, given out every year for the advert deemed the most uninformative.

"We have to show that we are above the philistine peons who watch TV," said Jock McSingh, partner at the firm.

"We bring art and craft to advertising, there's no point just telling someone how good a product is, that doesn't show off how clever we are..."

The winning campaign was McSmith McJones McSingh's design for the Plasterati Testurassa supercar from Italy.

Eschewing any thoughts of showing the beautiful and powerful car the executives instead went with a groundbreaking advert that critics say "redefined the advertising genre".

For 30 seconds viewers watch a small purple chimpanzee throw a banana in the air and catch it, all the time singing "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General" from Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta, the Pirates of Penzance.

Although there is no mention of the car, it's manufacturer or it's eventual use, the executives say it "portrayed the feeling of someone owning a Plasterati Testurassa".

The advert came close to winning a second award for "most gratuitous use of a show tune" but that award went to the LSD Advertising Corporation.

Their winning entry was the much heralded advert featuring 42 mechanics singing "If I Were A Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof to sell Vagineeze, the anti-thrush cream.

(London): While ordinary people are hitting the headlines with tales of credit crunch woe, the forgotten few are left in a much worse state.

Headlines are full of Eric the plasterer or Maureen the school dinner lady... but a new support group has been set up to remind us of another band of hurt and impoverished people... the Celebrity.

The new charity call themselves Loyal Luvvies With Nothing To Show, or LLWNTS, and are dedicated to bringing to the wider audience the troubles facing celebrities today.

"Look at the new series of I'm a Celebrity," said party spokesperson, Donny Osmond.

"One of the contestants is only picking up £7,500 for their two week stint, even the highest earners are on a paltry £30,000."

The charity's poster girl is going to be long time campaigner for debt, Carol Vorderman, asked to take a 90% pay cut and subsequently removed from Countdown.

Vorderman, now down to her last few million, has had to take to the streets to fund her insatiable Pot Noodle habit, doing simple arithmetic tricks for spare change.

The message from the group is clear.

"Send us your money," said Osmond. "Otherwise people like me won't be able to afford another solid gold statue of myself, I only have 12 left."

Truly, a sad, sad indictment of the credit crunch world we live in.