(Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch): There was amazement across the blogging world recently when ManiaSeeds, a male of indeterminate years, broke the all time record for winning blog-held debates.

ManiaSeeds, real name Tam Jones, has written to the Guinness Book of Records saying that by his count he has now won the last 4,811,003 debates he's taken part in across the blogosphere with what he describes as "superior intellect".

Many detractors have pointed to ManiaSeeds argumentative tactics as unfair and, as such, means for disqualification.

"Hah, that's just jealousy and inferior intellect," blustered the blogger who posts on the site "http://im-right-youre-wrong.blog.co.uk.

"If they can't handle mid-debate topic changes, groundless accusations and steadfast stubbornness they have no place in the world of blogging!"

ManiaSeeds is adamant his tactics amount to nothing more than Alex Ferguson style "mind games" designed inside the rules to disorientate his opponents.

One such victim bleats a different tale...

"We were debating the placement of wind turbines in the North Sea," whined one unnamed loser to the debating king.

"Suddenly in comes this guy and starts talking about the way that you can't get a good Cheddar anymore...

"We tried pointing out we were discussing wind turbines but he accused us of being cheesists who prefered a nancy-boy French softie, said our attitude was impolite and declared himself the winner..."

Despite the occasional voice of disquiet MediaSeeds is still sure of his status among other bloggers.

"I've heard jokes about how letting me win just shuts me up but it's all in jest," boomed the Duke of Debate.

"More than one person has said it's just not worth trying to debate with me, and I'm sure they meant because I'd win..."

MediaSeeds' award ceremony was held in Cardiff at the weekend and was attended by a representative from the Guinness Book of Records, MediaSeeds and an untidy homeless man who'd been promised sandwiches for attending.

The sandwiches were ham.

(Washington DC): The truth behind Dick Cheney's appearance at Barack Obama's inaugeration ceremony has been released by insiders today after original claims suggested he was wheelchair-bound after injuring himself "packing his boxes" with too much enthusiasm.

An official report has now clarified that the ex-Vice President was, in fact, in two altercations with the White House marines.

The first came when Cheney was discovered in the basements of the White House planting what one onlooker described as an "egg sac".

The twelve-hundred eggs each contained a short, balding demonic foetus branded with the number 666, Cheney's extension on the White House internal dialling system.

In the resulting battle Cheney reportedly projectile spat bile at the marines before escaping into the air conditioning.

He was discovered by a larger group of searching marines in his office, attempting to build a nest from a number of top secret documents and his own bodily excretions.

Although one marine suffered a broken arm when dodging the man-sized safe Cheney threw at them the squad managed to subdue the former VP with the minimum of fuss, finally chaining him into a wheelchair under a cocktail of sedatives to keep him quiet during the ceremony.

Cheney was then escorted to a black limo to be taken away to the Mrs Maggle Home for Retired Despots where he will be kept in an identical replica to his Vice-Presidential Office under the belief the country changed their minds and let him stay on, a plan the new government think is safest for us all.

It is believed within 10 minutes of arriving Cheney used the unwired phone in the office to call for a number of airstrikes on Narnia, apparently worried about their potential for weapons of mass destruction.

The egg sac was humanely destroyed by holy water.