(Birmingham): Thousands of fans have tuned in to a YouTube video featuring a new surprise singing sensation who appeared in an audition of Britain's Got Talent.

"She was amazing," said judge Amanda Holden. "As she was an older lady we, and the audience, fully expected some kind of screeching cacophony but it appears, despite her age, that she can actually produce correct notes."

Fellow judge Simon Cowell, who had only previously seen her perform in three previous auditions, a demo tape, two internet videos and a live performance at his 60th birthday party, admitted he was "totally shocked and surprised".

The revelation has shaken the music world who have, up to now, proscribed to the theory that at around 30 a woman's voice box contracts and no longer allows any kind of musical projection.

"We're having to rethink our whole belief about music," exclaimed Prof. Bartholemew Klumpenhausen of the Bognor Regis laboratory of mis-applied science.

"We've long held the belief older women, especially if they are photogenically challenged, are completely incapable of singing.

"This was based on an intensive sample of a selection of thirteen year old girls. In tests all four of them preferred Britney Spears over Dame Kiri Te Kanawa."

The singer, 72 year old Shirley Bassey from Tiger Bay, Cardiff, admitted she has sung before but a poll of Britain's Got Talent viewers found none of them had heard of her, although one did ask if she once toured with Lady GaGa.

For the video, taken from the last episode of Britain's Got Talent click HERE.

(London): In response to the revelations about Labour's smear emails the Tories have opened files of their own secret email conversations that they say prove what wonderful people they really are.

"It's despicable that the Labour Party are besmirching our good name in this way," Said Tory spokesperson Jesus Angelicus.

"This is especially hurtful as we were currently secretly releasing what we call our 'shine campaign' emails to the new WhiteFlag blog..."

The Tory emails describe Alistair Darling as 'A top bloke with great financial sense', Gordon Brown's marriage as 'a moralistic coupling that's an inspiration to the whole country' and Jacquie Smith's recent new haircut as 'simply fabulous and it takes 10 years from her'.

These conversations have been described by the Conservatives as proof that they, rather than the Labour Party, should be in charge.

"As much as we think the whole of Labour are lovely people," said Angelicus. "we really would quite like a chance to be in charge as we are ever so nice."

The spokesman then gave all the reporters a bun and a pamphlet for the new Conservative Party, "the only choice for any pleasant people in the country."

(Sepang): The Malasian Grand Prix finished with a surprise victory for a British competitor today.

Despite starting slowly it was a late burst that finally won the full points for Dame Ellen MacArthur in her B&Q sponsored Formula One boat.

MacArthur's boat on the main straight.

Early laps were slow leaving MacArthur running 27 laps behind after 31, but a late surge thanks to a helpful change in the weather brought the plucky Brit the top step of the podium.

"We knew we had a chance once the clouds came in," admitted the sailing Dame.

"It was slow going to begin with but we knew we were going to pick up time later on. We trusted that the teams would all make the wrong vehicle decision..."

MacArthur was proven right around the 28th lap when all the other teams kept with their original strategy of using cars.

"We just made the right choice for the race," said MacArthur's engineer, Murray Stroller. "The other teams were all staying with wheels but we knew our strategy would come good in the end."

The victory lifts MacArthur up to first place in the drivers table of the new Formula One Motor Racing and Aquaplaning Championships.

(London): In the latest in a long line of cost cutting measures has seen ITV secretly replace David Pleat with a low cost computer simulation, a ploy undetected until being discovered by an intrepid AJNN reporter.

It can now be revealed that for the last three live matches on ITV the summarising, believed by viewers to be ex-manager Pleat, was actually done by the Clichetron 4000, a new artificial intelligence machine designed to provide expert cliches at opportune moments.

With almost 20 summarising phrases such as "they need to score", "one goal is never enough" and "they're passing the ball around" the machine is indistinguishable from Pleat in active service.

ITV have been so pleased with the machine they've already pre-ordered the new "post match 1.4" module, to be released later in the year, to replace Andy Townsend.

The add-on will have a collection of excuses, using ITV's touch screen technology, for almost every England failure.

There are also high hopes for the 1.5 module, planned for the beginning of next year, which may finally be able to answer the question "Ashley Cole, why?"