(London): There was shock in political circles today after The Sun, long time supporter of the Labour Party changed it's allegiance to the Conservatives, severing all ties with Gordon Brown.

As part of its decision to break with Brown it has agreed to no longer shine on a Brown-led Britain plunging much of the country into perpetual darkness and leading to fears other celestial bodies may follow suit.

"As it stands we're waiting to see what happens," said The North Star. "If there is a consensus I think for the best of the country of Britain I will also stop shining over it."

In response the Labour Party released the following statement.

"Prime Minister Brown believes in Change and sees this as a potentially positive outcome. The Sun has been shining now for many millions, even billions of years. In that time there have been many disasters, crisis points and genocides.

"Considering all these bad things that have happened while being lit by The Sun perhaps it is time for a Change. Can we find an alternative source of heat and light? Yes We Can!"

Fellow God-owned entity The Moon was seen last night, despite Brown's fairly inadequate showing at the Labour Conference but has made no promises to be available for gazing at in the night sky from Wednesday evening.

Complaints and calls for a General Election to solve the constant night have been steady but relentless, except in Manchester where no-one has appeared to notice.

(London): It was revealed today that the retirement of Arsenal's head hypnotist is causing problems in Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger's tactical planning for games.

Hypnotist Paul Stephens has worked with Arsenal for many years and has been credited with many breakthroughs including convincing Patrick Viera every opposition player was Monsieur Broulard, his much hated maths teacher, prompting his uncontrolled violence.

However, Stephens retired at the end of the 2008/09 season and now Arsenal are suffering after the new squad hypnotist has been unable to remove or adapt Stephens' most successful work, his selective blindness hypnosis of manager Arsene Wenger.

Since his very first season in charge Wenger has used Stephens to hypnotise him pre-season so that during games he is incapable of seeing any Arsenal players on the pitch, thereby assisting in his denials of indiscretions in post match interviews.

The resounding success of this scheme has meant Wenger is now coming off his 12th year running winning the Brian Clough Memorial Denial Award, gifted to the manager who, during the season, misses the most fouls and ungentlemanly conduct by his own players.

Now, however, without a changing of Stephens' work last season, Wenger is still blind to any player who left Arsenal in the 2009 pre-season.

This was most pronounced during yesterday's game against Manchester City when confusion was seen repeatedly on Arsenal's bench.

"It was a nightmare from start to finish," admitted assistant manager, Pat Rice.

"We kept trying to tell him to mark Adebayor, press him tightly, do anything to stop him... and all he would say was he would if Adebayor was brought on.

"With (Kolo) Toure playing as well he couldn't understand why so many balls were being stopped around their box, he kept blaming divots and wind flow patterns..."

The Arsenal players came out for the second half noticeably confused after Wenger's half time comment telling them "this'll be easy, I can't understand why they've started the game with nine men" and were increasingly bemused after his post match berating of Emmanuel Eboue who he blamed as the scorer of Adebayor's goal.

"Obviously Arsene figured it was an own goal," said Rice. "Eboue was the most obvious candidate then."

There was one plus point to come from the confusion however, as his blindness allowed him to ignore an alleged stamp by Adebayor on Robin Van Persie which led him to be the first manager in the history of the Premier League to use the phrase "I didn't really see what happened" for the one-millionth time in a post match press conference.

To commemorate this Wenger was thrown a small party and presented a gold carriage clock that automatically adds 6 minutes to every 90 minutes counted and a cake in the shape of a pair of glasses.

There was a moment of sadness however when he looked around the room full of respectful Arsenal players, exclaimed he couldn't believe he'd been left alone at a time like this and began to weep.